But joy will come in the morning

I confessed in my last post that I am separated.  Well, we are three months in now and boy, has it been something.  I think anyone going through tests like this experience a whirlwind of emotions.  Add being a woman on top of all that....yeah, whoa. I have been cold, not even thinking the least bit about it.  And I have been a crying mess, telling myself that it's all my fault. I honestly do not know how people can get through these battles with knowing that God is guiding them and He knows what He's doing.  I don't want this to be a finger-pointing vomit of feelings.  I just want anyone that's going through something like this to know that it is so easily possibly to have joy in the midst of the storm.  I have prayed all along that God's will would be shown and I that I would know, without a doubt, what I was supposed to do.  So a couple weeks back, I contacted my husband for the first time in months and for about 8 days, we spent time together. They were not happy 8 days, I can tell you that.  All the problems we've had for a year were laid out on the table and talked and talked and talked about.  Let me rewind and say that the day I moved the rest of my things out of the house was a month after I initially left and one day after I saw him with someone else.  Now, back to those 8 days... Each time we met, he would tell me over and over that he wasn't seeing enough "try" out of me and he wasn't hearing what he wanted to hear.  When he would bring up things he didn't particularly care for that I do, he didn't want my explanations, he just wanted an apology.  I couldn't express my feelings without them being wrong.  It was pretty much torment.  Stressful, overwhelming, joy-stealing, tearful torment. Even after confessing the adultery, he would excuse it away with the blame that I was the one that left.  He never once seemed apologetic or remorseful.  He just kept asking over and over, "Well how bad do you want this to work?" Let's just say, I got the answer and the peace that I had prayed for.  I'm free.  I know that God has so much in store for me and my precious, beautiful, silly baby girl (whom he has yet to ask to see.) Don't get me wrong. I don't wish him any wrong.  Nora and I say a prayer for him every night, that he would find himself and that God would just wrap His arms around him. I know divorce is not and has never been God's plan, but I do know that He has the power to forgive and to heal and to help us start over, give His people a new beginning.  Please keep us in your prayers, all three of us.

 

Praise the Lord that His mercies are new every morning!!
Lamentations 3:21-23